Ditch the New Year’s Resolutions - and start setting some goals that work

I have a piece of paper on the wall next to my desk. It has a list of twelve items on it with the words “What Trish will do in 2006”. As I skimmed down the list recently, not only was I struck by how infrequently I take things down from my walls, but also how New Year’s Resolutions just don’t work for me. Perhaps a more appropriate title for my list may be “What Trish will not get anywhere near completing in 2006”. Sure, I may have strummed a few chords on my guitar in 2006 - but I didn’t learn how to put those chords together in a way that doesn’t harm the neighbours. Not really heartening stuff hey?

And apparently I’m not alone. According to research in the US (that most aspirational of cultures), only 15 to 20 percent of people achieve what they set out to do on January 1. In terms of strategies, I’d say this one isn’t very effective. And yet every year, as we nurse heavy heads or feelings of being out of touch with our inner party animal, many of us participate in this ritual that usually makes us feel like we’re failures.

You see, New Year Resolutions don’t take into account how we change. We blindly believe on every January 1 that just by saying it (“Lose weight”, “Stop smoking”, etc) we will make it so. Our conscious thoughts can be powerful things but they usually need a little help. So, if you’re really interested in changing some part of your life and, this time, you want it to actually happen, then I challenge you to ditch the resolutions and start setting some goals.

Now, don’t get me wrong - I think the first of the year is a fine time to sit down and take stock of where we are in our lives, to acknowledge the great things that have happened in the previous 12 months, perhaps give some consideration to how we’d do things differently if faced with some of the choices that gave us grief, and ask the question: What do I really want?

What we do with that information will make the difference in whether we keep treading water in the ocean of our lives - or swim to the shore, or swim out to the great break.

So what’s the difference between goals and resolutions?

Goals are about action

You can say you want to make a million bucks this year, but until you get off the couch and do something, then it probably ain’t going to happen. Goals describe what you will be doing when you have achieved your intention - often quite specifically in a way that can be measured. You will be left with no doubt whether you attained it or not.

Goals have feedback built into them

You need to know if you are on track, or whether you need to change your strategy. And often the best way to do this is through the goal having a measurable component (such as “I will be exercising for 40 minutes a day, 3 days a week”) or even having people you can ask “Do you think this looks right?”

Goals create a path of “least resistance”

Goals have followup, support structures and excitement built into them so that you can actually achieve them. They acknowledge and work with the “path of least resistance” which is your "natural" way of doing things and you thus encounter less obstacles. And goals have a support structure that pulls you toward them. This may be the way you structure your day or prioritise or it may be having people around you to encourage you as you make changes.

Goals are short-term, long-term and changing

Your goals will be with you for the entire 12 months. You will be visiting them regularly (sometimes daily, at least monthly) to see whether you’re still on track. Shock of all horrors, they may actually change over that twelve months as you realise that you didn’t really want to be a concert violinist at all, you wanted to be the 23rd member of The Cat Empire. Or they may change in other unexpected ways - you may not want to be concerned about your dress size anymore but rather to have a healthy body.

Goals are positive

Goals that work are positive and things that you want rather than don’t want. For example, you may wish to leave your job but your goal will be focused on identifying and attaining a job that you actually really enjoy.

Goals are tangible

Goals are specific and tend to be something you can measure (so you know when you get there). When you set goals for yourself - not your partner, your mother or your boss - you get the payoff everytime. Goals have a time-frame so you know when and if and what you’ve got to do to achieve them this month or this year.

Goals challenge you

Goals are challenging (just out of your reach) but also not too far so you always have the belief that you can achieve it. Goals acknowledge what you’ve got to learn along the way. So you may have a long-term goal of finding a partner who you love to be with, but perhaps before that happens you’ll need to address your confidence in meeting new people generally.

Goals keep you in motion

Goals build your confidence by gradually moving you toward what you want rather than the ‘sink or swim’ approach. They acknowledge where you’re at, your skills, your beliefs and what really has to change. They are ongoing. You revisit them every week, every month and they change and grow with you.

Your goals reflect what’s most important to you in life

They are in line with what’s important to you - your values - so if love and family are what matters most then you’ve got to set work goals that support this.

So this year, don’t set yourself up for failure by talking about resolutions you know you’ll give up on after two weeks of suffering. Bring your resolutions to life right now by setting some goals.

Tips for achieving your goals this year:

1. Create a structure to stay on track
Look at where you give up and put something there to keep you on track (a reward, a buddy, a coach, an “appointment“ with yourself, etc). It’s no coincidence that we coach weekly or fortnightly. Everyone has a certain cycle of change and your goals may need that regular tweak just to make them challenging again.

2. Feel your end goal
If you’re going to the gym with gusto for the first week or two and then start making excuses then it’s time to reconnect with what you’re doing this all for and make that emotional attachment to the end goal. Connect with the feeling of what it’s like playing footy with your kids and not getting puffed, or climbing those stairs without needing a break.

3. Get happy
Elevate your mood, shift how you’re feeling and what you‘re thinking so that it‘s all moving you toward your goal in a positive way. Relax, keep positive, do the things that make you happy and as the research shows, good health will follow.

4. Celebrate what you do have
Use the time to acknowledge all the good stuff you already have in your life. If you have a roof over your head, food on the table and are working then you’re already doing better than 95% of the the world’s population (!).

5. Ask yourself: Is this what I really want?
If you’re on holidays and would just like it to feel this relaxed all the time then perhaps it’s time to look at the work you’re doing or the way you are spending your working hours and ask “Is this what I really want to be doing? Is this what I really want to be doing in 12 months, 5 years, or 20 years? Do you need to change careers or change something about the way you work or do you need to change you?

6. Write it down
There’s something in the action of turning what’s in our head into words on paper. Whether it be writing your goals in a visible place where you can see them everyday or journalling every day to keep your thoughts and feelings in flow - just write it down. Make it positive, share it with someone who you trust and make it yours - not your mother’s, your spouse’s, your best friend’s.

7. Be bold
Confidence is the number one thing I work with people on - even those who seem so sure of themselves in public have times of doubt. That’s healthy and part of who we are and how we process things. We’re looking for threats that impact upon our safety and security. But most of the things we fear aren’t real. We are wonderfully resilient creatures and it is only through putting ourselves in new situations that we learn and grow and find out that what we feared wasn’t as bad as we imagined. Public speaking, for example, can be an exhilarating experience.

8. Look outside and inside
Use the time of year to re-connect with friends and re-discover passions and things you love that you’ve put aside while you’ve been busy with everyday living.

It’s your life. Live it.